Anyone feeling like they need/want to scream into the void once a day (or maybe 3+ times a day)?

It feels silly to even ask if you're okay, to be honest. So many of us are very much not okay but then sometimes okay in moments. And other people really are doing okay or even better than okay and I love that for you. And for myself on the days and in the moments that I'm feeling really good.

The question I keep coming back to for myself, my clients, my loved ones is this:

What if you let it be what it is?

Applicable to how you're feeling, what you're experiencing and what's happening for you. One of the things I see people get tripped up in is trying to fix or maniuplate something to go their way. Pushing and putting a TON of effort to feel differently or make things different. And the accompanying exhuastion, frustration and resentment that follows that massive effort.

But...what if you just gave yourself some space to feel what you're feeling? Without trying to figure it out, fix it or change it? There's a liberation in just leaving yourself the fuck alone to feel, express and exist as you are in this moment.

What's Happening In My World Lately

Other than existential crises and wondering if this is the end of the world and if so, why are any of us working...let's do an end of summer check in! In no particular order, here's the diary of my life lately:

1. I moved into my house at the end of June. Home ownership is weird and I mostly have no idea what is going on. I have been enjoying cultivating a real sense of home and figuring out what my combined style with Chris gets to look like...because apparently erotic, nude and witchy art in every corner of the house is more of my vibe than ours together. WEIRD BUT OKAY. I would describe my aesthetic as: how many plants do you think I can put in this room and where should they go? Also: books. Also: a dash of mid century modern, some earthy vibes, a sprinkle of traditional. Loving this for me. We are all over the place with it and that's just fine. Also, one of my biggest daily tasks is killing bugs around the house. And also (slightly) bullying an aggressive squirrel in my yard who feels way too comfortable bullying ME. Like listen sir I am happy to share this space together but you may not be so disrespectful. He's got bad vibes. I tried giving him some nuts as a peace offering and that didn't go over well. Between the bugs and the squirrel situation, it's almost a full time job.

2. I went back home to North Carolina for a week at the end of July/early August and FINALLY saw my long term beloved therapist for the first time in 1.5 years. I cried as soon as I saw her walking down the hall to come get me. Like so many people, I really struggled at different points over this last year+. Moving during the pandemic so far from friends and family, starting my own business and supporting Chris in the hellish hours that are residency took a toll. And I wish that I had reached out for support from my therapist sooner. I honestly felt embarassed it took me so long...I literally support other people for a living and was not fortifying myself with adequate care. But here's the thing: sometimes when we are so deep in our shit (what I like to call a Personal Winter...I made a free support guide for you if you're currenlty in one, grab it here ), it can be hard to realize how bad it is. And even harder to ask for and reach for support. I am so glad I finally did and have been really honest with myself about what I need. Here's a gentle nudge for you to do the same if you've been thinking about it. Make that call, send that text or email. I spent 9 months anxious about doing it and SURPRISE! It took 3 mins to do and wow, I feel much better.

The other thing about my sessions with my therapist is that...damn, she's good. Actually, she's EXCELLENT. She's a major reason I got my masters and became licensed as a therapist myself. I absolutely cannot say enough about how important it is if you are getting professional support that it is quality support for you. As in any field, there are bad therapists/coaches/space holders, there are okay ones, there are good ones, and there are great ones. You deserve excellent support.

3. It's VIRGO SEASON. My birthday is in a few weeks and I'm turning 30. I love getting older. That is all.

4. I started a podcast with my business coach, co-collaborator and friend Rachel Turner. It's called Alive and (Sometimes) Well and we chat all things life and business and it is truly one of my most favorite things I have ever created. I would describe the vibe of the podcast as this: permission to be a full spectrum human in life and business and commitment to saying out loud what other people are thinking. We're on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube. You can listen to it here or watch it here. We love hearing what you think about it and what you want to hear us chat about. The most recent episode, Don't Make This Weird, is all about being alcohol sober and I have gotten so many messages from people after listening to it. If you're sober or sober curious or even just questioning your relationship to alcohol, I want you to know you are so not alone.

5. My chronic pain has been elevated lately. When that happens, I practice giving myself the best care I can. I say no to a lot of things and keep my focus on taking care of myself, supporting my clients and business, and tending to people closest to me. All the extra stuff has to go for now. And I let that be okay, even if it makes me feel sad or frustrated. It is not my body's fault that it is in pain and I refuse to punish it the way I did when I was younger.

6. I am getting more clear about my business and my work and becoming unapologetic with my boundaries. Someone recently asked me if I was interested in an work opportunity that was unpaid but required a weekly time commitment over a period of months. I said NO! I am not available for unpaid work at this time. And shit y'all, I was very proud of myself. I did not feel guilty. I just felt solid in my no. Amazing feeling, highly recommend saying no to things that don't feel right for you.

7. I have not been self pleasuring (masturbating) as much as I have been. Sharing this here because my sexuality is a huge part of my life and erotic energy fuels my creativity and is my aliveness juice. I am also like every other person and my sexual energy ebbs and flows. I don't make it mean anything. Some weeks I want 5,000 orgasms and other weeks I'm chilling with none. All of it is okay. No pushing, no forcing. Unless that's your kink and it's done with adult consent, of course.

8. I've been doing lots of tarot sessions and it's been so lovely. I've had a personal tarot practice for the last 5+ years and only opened it up to the public for sessions in the last 6 months and have been doing so many readings for new people and WOW. I cannot describe what it feels like to feel the love and support of other people's Spirit team, guides, ancestors, etc come through during my readings for them. Absolute magic. I've been cultivating my intuitive and psychic abilities over the last 2 years after being really afraid of them for many years and that's been very very cool. I still get scared sometimes though, full disclosure. I prefer sleeping with a night light.

Okay, that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this diary of my life. Love you big time.

PS-here's how we can work together:

1. My 1:1 coaching. Application here. You can always reach out through email or insta if you ever have any questions. I'm taking on new clients currently. Big back to school vibes over here.
2. Tarot sessions. 15 or 30 min channeled audio you get to keep forever. Email or DM if you're curious. $55 for 15 min, $97 for 30.
3. Podcast. Talking about some hard shit but with lots of humor and levity because otherwise, what's the point?

OKAY I LOVE YOU. TTYL.

Alyssa